Saturday, February 05, 2005

Outreach...

I am so excited. I just realized that people other than my friends have visited my blog! Its fun to think that others read and find something I have to say interesting. I mean, my friends will always like me (or so I think) and it is always nice to add to that pool of people. Anyway, we will see if this trend continues. Someone will read this and say "Right... what a strange/lonely character." In some cases this is true b/c I am so far away from my original home and friends...I have a lot of friends, they just don't find Columbus an exciting relocation.

Friday, February 04, 2005

The Pay Off

At long last, I have finally played the 'politics' right. This whole job has been a series of disappointments, mainly because my 'cool' boss is so disorganized he makes all of us look bad. But recently, I have been making an active effort to step out of his shadow. So lucky me got selected (over my boss) to go to Boston for a training class in Capacity/Staffing planning. I will be gone for a week... how exciting! I haven't been on a business trip since I took this job, so it will be fun to go and all that good stuff. I am so excited!

Well anyway, life is the same as always. I think I have finally, after 4 years, come out of my funk. I seem to be happier, I laugh a little louder, and I seem to be living a bit more freely. I breathe easy and don't stress out too much... at least not as much as I used to. Maybe its because I don't take work as seriously as I used to and because I stopped wishing for an escape back to the past... who knows. I think it is really hard to leave behind memories when they represent so much of what you loved and still miss. Just thinking of them sometimes makes me sad. I would do anything to have some of that time back or to have a piece of what I used to have here. But I can't... and I don't think it will ever be the same even if everything was here. That's life, it moves forward and either you can live or let it pass by... Lately I have been chosing to live!

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

And You Say He's Just a Friend!

Okay, so I have a friend... a male friend... who I see just as a friend. But I think he may see me as more than that. So what can I do? He called last weekend and I did not pick up my phone. After all I was taking care of my sister who had her wisdom teeth taken out. So no matter what, I wasn't available to hang out. But I also want to create some distance... or more so clarity. I don't want to mislead him into thinking that I am interested. But everytime we hang out it seems like mini-dates. We always hang out alone. I have never met his friends. It all seems so odd... In anycase, he is a sweet heart, just not my type.

There is none of that excitement. I felt more for someone I had just met once during a fake poker game than I do for him. I still remember looking up and trying to bluff my way into a win... it was just me and him... and then you feel the connection. Or maybe that was the whole 'What is really going on with his card hand?' In anycase, there was more excitement there than in the multiple dinner/movies/sight seeing events. Argh... the 'I just see you as a friend' excuse is so lame.. but so true in this case.