Confusion

Okay, so many things are going right in my life... when compared with others. But I can't help feeling that I keep missing out on things, or not making my goals, or feeling as if I'm never going to get to that place I am not aware of wanting to be. Maybe I'm just lost. But I think I have been this way my whole life; Always holding back, talking my heart out of what it wants to do/say, calculating the risk/vunerability of situations, letting life pass by. Is this my destiny? To always feel like I'm only half alive?

Or do others feel the same way? Maybe we are all sharing the same thoughts and are oblivious to the difference or pretending not to notice. I know the imp in my well. The side that has so many 'crazy' brainy ideas, always pushing the limits, defining life on my terms... 99% of the time, this side is dormant. It's almost like I'm frightened of that side, of being looked down upon, or of being the odd one at family functions. There are times this side is set free, which is the 1% of the time when alcohol is present.

Hee hee.... okay, not only when I've had a few drinks. Close friends get that side too. Perhaps that's the problem... almost 3 years in Columbus without close friends to bring out my lighter side. All that gets exposed is the poised, professional, ambitious business woman. ARgh... that sounds boring to me. I didn't dream of being the next banker extraodinaire when I was 5. Come to think of it, I didn't really dream of anything aside from being an artist of some kind; A dancer, an actress, or maybe president of the United States.

Okay, so all of these thoughts have put me in a mini mid-life crisis... okay, maybe not that dramatic. I think all it is that I miss not having my friends and those I love around me. Gosh, I never thought of myself as emotional... but I have a great appreciation for the love of my family and friends.

Righteo, tomorrow's President's Day and I'm planning an extremely lazy, lie in day. Of course, I should go to bed some time soon.

Another Career Change

Okay, so 9 months ago I was posting about taking a new position... and now I am taking another one. Fast, eh? Well, I'm super excited. I was recruited for this position, which is always fun. It's with a bunch of people who are 'senior in experience... and age'. So a great learning opportunity to learn from them. It's a consulting role, so I'll be traveling a lot. Which is exciting, but I'm a bit nervous that I will get tired of living out of a suitcase. Of course, there is international travel, which has me very excited. I'd love to go abroad on the bank.

The job is within the Treasury side of the bank (trusts, bonds,CDs, etc.) and will focus on End to End Strategic Analysis. This translates into looking at product creation, sale, and delivery to access improvement opportunities and banking consumer trends. I'm excited. I am! At least, most of the time I am.

I'm sad to leave some of the people I work with. The divisional manager is awesome and I respect and like him so much... but that is not a smart career decision. And of course, there is Jorge... I can't believe how much I adore him (in a purely platonic way) and will definitely miss not having him around. Though, I'm sure I will enjoy my new group too... they seem fun and nice.

Gosh, this job took a lot of interviewing, 5 in total. I don't think I interviewed that much to get into the bank. And the BIG manager flat out told me that he would not have hired me if all he had was my resume. But, my reputation and others positive comments bought his acceptance... and now he is really excited to have me. I'm going to have fun 'kickin' butt.

Though, if I become one of those 'man' women at work and forget how to have fun... I'm hoping my friends will give me a reality check and tell me to 'GET a LIFE'.

Righteo... so I am going to clean my house, my normal Sat. routine.

There are no words....

For how negligent I have been about this blog. Everytime I come and check it out, I love to read about what I was doing on whatever day. Most of the time, I had already forgotten about some of the details.... the funny details.

Anyway, things are progressing as always. I wake up every morning, a good thing.... but right now, it's 3:41 AM and I am exhausted.

I'll have to post later. I will make sure I do it soon since I have a lot going on right now... job, boys, sisters, co-workers, etc.